One of the nicest editors I know recently passed along this link to a bizarre story about the murder of a college student at a university in the Midwest. The Chronicle of Higher Education also published its own account that explained how the suspect, Tina Loraine Morris – the mother of the victim’s roommate – had been staying in the students’ campus apartment for two weeks before the killing. According to news reports, which quote court documents, Morris confronted the victim about her conduct with her daughter the night before. Then she stabbed the young woman repeatedly and fled in her car.

Hara Estroff Marano, editor at large of Psychology Today and author of the magazine’s advice column, Unconventional Wisdom, made this conclusion about the murder on her blog:

“Death by hovering is not how the coroner's report will list it. But the murder of a student at Indiana University-Purdue, the first act of violence in the 40-year history of the Fort Wayne campus, may well be the first documented case of death from helicopter parenting.”

She later goes on to give examples of helicopter parenting: "A father books a hotel room on campus for a month while his son changes majors. A mother protests a student’s grade on a paper; it turns out that she wrote it. Parents and students exchange multiple cell phone calls each day, some initiated by students, at least as many initiated by their parents. Every little flicker of experience is reported. Students don’t get to sit with and manage their own emotions. And parents put themselves on the receiving end of a steady stream of unfiltered, undigested negative experience from their precious child.”

It’s unclear at this point what motivated Morris to move in illegally with her daughter and her roommates. Whether or not it was a case of helicopter parenting, the story intrigued me because of Marano’s comments on the subject.

How do you strike a balance between being there for your children and teaching them independence? How do you avoid becoming a "helicopter parent"?

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