The other day, while playing in the yard, my 5-year-old son took a tent stake and started punching holes into a cardboard box. He wasn’t hurting his little sister or property, I figured, so I just allowed him to continue pounding away. Still, the action seemed very aggressive to me and I wondered if I did the right thing.

I grew up with two sisters so I’m pretty clueless when it comes to raising boys.

I have to admit, there are days when my son seems like an alien to me (I can't help but think of the creature in the movie "Lilo and Stitch"). For instance, while my daughter will hold her baby dolls close and rock them to sleep, my son takes them apart and throws them against the wall.

When he pretend plays, swords and other weapons are always involved. There’s war and violence. Someone gets clobbered or loses an arm. Others die horrible deaths.

My son is only 5. Is this normal? Should this type of pretend play be encouraged?

I found an article on boys’ aggression that included this quote from Dr. Joseph Tobin, professor of early childhood education at Arizona State University:

“Calling boys 'aggressive' is an attempt to punitively try and control behavior we are not comfortable with. We rarely use this word in a positive way, so when we start by calling boys' behavior 'aggressive' we are already prejudicing how we look at it. Children use their bodies and express their feelings by pushing, grabbing, and fighting. This is age-appropriate for young children — they are in the motor stage of development. Teachers and parents need to help children find ways to resolve these conflicts. But the problem isn't that boys have these impulses and interests; the problem is that we over-react.”

I'm probably over-reacting to what I perceive to be aggression. But I want my son to be a peace-loving, kind and respectful human being so his actions are sometimes really offensive to me.

What are your thoughts on boys and aggression? I'm especially curious about your perspective on pretend play and where you draw the line when it comes to games that involve war, death and violence? Thanks!

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