To Spend A Night Wishing Upon A ‘Your Name Here’

For years, I’ve tried to help the cause of the common man, albeit with my heart and my words and maybe not always with my actions.

I’ve calmly explained to several people that you have to read the part that says, ” … if you return the winning number,” before you read the part that says, “You’ve Won 10 Million Dollars!” I’ve tried to point out the traps and pitfalls of the marketing machine we call free enterprise.

Now, I myself have been drawn in by that marketing machine - and with such speed and power that I flew past many others who I know are less able to deal with the power of the advertising beast than my cynical self.

But this was no ordinary attack. This was vicious and brutal. The gift that was ripped from my very grasp was what any man would do anything for: immortality.

You see, for the last month or two, I have been planning to have a star named after my wife Sherry for her birthday. You may have heard that for X number of dollars, you can have one of millions of stars named after a loved one. The money will go to a good cause - something along the lines of scholarships for astronomy students perhaps.

But it seems that, all along, we’ve been duped. A 10-minute search of the Internet turned up a disturbing page that informed me that, no, you cannot have a star named after anyone unless you have discovered it. Organizations have chosen certain stars to name “in your honor” but not “in your name.” They can sell any stars they see fit. But people who are serious about stars still call them things like “K-3763,” not “Larry.”

Fortunately, I have come up with my own solution for this problem. Since each of us is the center of our own universe, I have renamed the sun Sherry. The planets, in order, are Kim, Pandy, Nick, Bill, Sandi, Jim, Kelly, Brenda and Milton. The moon is Butch, after my cat.

So, when you are sitting on the porch swing on a beautiful Butch-lit night, remember, the Sherry will come up tomorrow.

And when the world gives you junk mail, give it a smile back.

MEMO: “Your turn” is a feature of the Wednesday and Saturday Opinion pages. To submit a “Your turn” column for consideration, contact Rebecca Nappi at 459-5496 or Doug Floyd at 459-5466 or write “Your turn,” The Spokesman-Review, P.O. Box 2160, Spokane 99210-1615.