Bleak Futures Are Often Made In Bed

Dear Ann Landers: I have read many letters in your column about men who cheat on their wives. You often suggest that the wife isn’t giving the husband what he needs sexually, and then, some angry wife writes back and lists all the reasons why her husband turns her off. While some of these wives have valid complaints, many of them are completely clueless. I have another perspective.

I am the Other Woman. I am 28, average-looking and overweight, and have been keeping company with married men because I don’t want a permanent commitment anymore. I know what I do is morally wrong, but I am not apologizing. I hope a few wives will read this and learn from it.

My relationships with these men can last from six months to a year or more. The men tend to be between 35 and 55. They are thoroughly decent, mostly professionals and leaders in their communities.

It’s true that sex plays a big part in extramarital affairs, but that isn’t the only thing men seek from the “other woman.” They tell me they can be themselves with me. I don’t judge or criticize. They want someone to listen to their problems, and they appreciate the advice. Of course, I make love to them and don’t hold back. What do I get in return? These men make me feel desirable and valuable. I’m also having the best sex of my life.

The sad thing is, the wives of these men could reclaim what I have taken in a second. All they have to do is show some consideration for their husband’s needs. It wouldn’t hurt if they were a little more enthusiastic in bed, too.

Women forget how fragile the male ego is. Men want to feel desirable, needed and important. Unfortunately, many wives who read this will become angry and focus on their own needs instead of doing what it takes to get their men to spend more time at home, where they belong.

I wish there was no need for women like me, but unfortunately, that is not the case. I’m writing to light a fire under the wives of the men I sleep with and hope you will print this letter. Thanks, Ann. - Trysting in Texas

Dear Texas: You’ve made a fairly good case for yourself, explaining why you do what you do, and I’m not going to judge you. But the bigger question is, where are you going to be 10 years from now, after servicing all those unfulfilled males? Please think about this before you embark on your next rescue mission.

Dear Ann Landers: I hope none of your younger readers sees this. The problem is Santa Claus.

My husband and I have two sons, 11 and 8. We are pretty sure this will be our last Santa Claus Christmas because the boys have been asking a lot of questions and making comments about the existence of Santa. We are thankful that they have believed so long, but now, we are stumped.

Do you think we should wait until after Christmas to explain that there’s no Santa Claus, or should we tell them beforehand? Yesterday, my youngest wrote his annual letter to Santa and asked me to tell him the truth so he would know whether or not to expect anything.

I cannot recall how my parents handled this, and neither can my husband. We could sure use some help. - Before or After in Valparaiso, Ind.

Dear Val.: If your 11-year-old son still believes in Santa Claus, you have bigger problems than this one. Before long, the younger boy will get clued in by his older brother and no further explanation will be necessary. Merry Christmas - regardless.