Some Kids Will Just Not Listen

Dear Ann Landers: The letter from “Wisconsin Reader” said if a mother can be jailed when her child doesn’t go to school, she had better make darn sure the child goes. I would like to expand on that pronouncement.

It may seem unbelievable, Ann, but some children simply cannot be controlled. We had a daughter whom we sent off to school in the morning, but she never got there. Instead, she joined her boyfriend. When we found out what she was doing, we pleaded with her to think of her future. The response was a blank stare.

I cannot tell you how many people we turned to for help with this problem. Finally, two kind, understanding school counselors told us there was nothing we could do. What good would it have done to put us in jail? The boyfriend’s mother had the same problem. Her son would have liked nothing better than to see her locked up because of his truancy.

This happened some years ago, and it was a nightmare. We received excellent counseling and succeeded in putting those bad times behind us. It’s easy to blame the parents, but we were doing our best in an impossible situation. I urge “Wisconsin Reader” and others like him to think twice before passing judgment. Some things are simply beyond the parents’ control. Please put us in Georgia although we don’t live there. - The X’s

Dear X’s: Thank you for a letter that is sure to make many parents feel better. It is a fact that some children do not respond to threats or punishment, so let’s not be too quick to blame the parents when their children go wrong. It’s not always their fault.

Dear Ann Landers: I was seeing a very nice woman for a few weeks and became interested in a closer relationship. I told her how I felt before I left on a two-week vacation because I wanted her to think about the possibility of a future together. I also sent her a letter from my vacation spot expressing those views. The day I returned home, I found a message from her on my answering machine. It said, “Hope you had a safe trip. Thanks for the letter while you were away. Please don’t call me anymore.”

In my opinion, to end a relationship that way shows the maturity of a 12-year-old. One would expect more from a 36-year-old woman. I was denied the opportunity to end it properly, which was not only unfair but painful. Using an answering machine to avoid discussing something so personal seems cowardly and immature. I believe ending a relationship should be done face to face or, at the very least, in a conversation on the phone - or am I overly sensitive? - Morristown, N.J.

Dear N.J.: Obviously, the relationship meant more to you than to her, but I agree it was insensitive to leave the farewell message on your machine. Give her credit, however, for not stringing you along. And maybe you ought to slow down a bit. Too fast doesn’t last.

Dear Ann Landers: While our son was in college, my wife used to say, “When he comes home, it’s impossible to keep the refrigerator full or the hamper empty.” I thought your college parents might enjoy it as a Gem of the Day. - Jerome in Cedar Grove, N.J.

Dear Cedar Grove: You don’t have to be college parents to enjoy that Gem. High school kids are just as bad.

xxxx