Speak Up Before You Blow Up
Dear Miss Manners: Every morning, between 6:30 and 6:45, my neighbor says goodbye to her family by honking the horn two to four times as she drives up the street. This is also their way of saying hello and goodbye throughout the day.
My bedroom faces the street, and because of inadequate sound-proofing (which would be cost-prohibitive right now), along with a sleeping problem I’m having, I hear this even with the windows closed. Custom-made earplugs don’t work for me.
Since the sleeping problem is mine, not theirs, and I have not heard of any other complaints, do I have a right to politely ask them to refrain from honking so early? I don’t want to create hard feelings.
Gentle Reader: Hard feelings do not generally arise from neighborly requests along the lines of “I’m so sorry, but I’m afraid I have a sleeping problem, and although I’ve tried closing the windows and wearing earplugs, I still wake up when you honk the horn in the morning. I wonder if you would mind not using the horn unless it’s an emergency.”
Hard feelings arise when people say nothing until they can’t stand it another minute and then lean out the window screaming, “Will you idiots shut up - it’s 6:30 in the morning and normal people are trying to sleep! Keep it up and I’m coming out there after you and you’d better believe it’ll be to shut you up permanently.”
Miss Manners has always wondered why so many people try the second method without even giving the first one a chance.
When she inquires, she is told that it is unwise nowadays to venture any criticism at all, however politely, because there are so many crazy people around. So they hold off as long as they can - which is not forever.
Oddly enough, the one point on which they and the neighbors are sure to agree is that there are crazy people in the neighborhood.
Dear Miss Manners: I believe that we have broken new ground in the area of poor taste.
I have an invitation to a baby shower 1,250 miles away, with a request for financial contributions and an added request for a self-addressed stamped envelope for the thank-you note. The recipients are a cousin’s son and daughter-in-law, neither of whom I have ever met.
Just thinking of this leaves me speechless. Am I justified in taking the low road and tossing the entire package into the trash? A second invitation, to an engagement party, comes with a note: “Because of travel constraints, monetary gifts are appreciated.”
Since when are gifts expected at an engagement party and why are someone’s travel constraints my problem? This party is for a former co-worker’s son and his fiancee, whom I have never met. What is the appropriate response to this, and - since I fear I will be invited - to invitations to the shower and wedding?
Gentle Reader: Sharing your revulsion, Miss Manners was close to sharing your solution. But she did notice a tiny fork in the road and has naturally selected the high road, where she urges you to join her.
Yes, you may throw out financial solicitations and you may throw out invitations from total strangers, once you have ascertained that these were not misdirected. But you must answer invitations from relatives or acquaintances, however misbegotten their assumption of your generosity may be.
It doesn’t matter about your being speechless, because you can write. The appropriate response to all unwelcome invitations is to decline them.
xxxx
The following fields overflowed: CREDIT = Judith Martin United Features Syndicate