Be Aware, Handicaps Not All Visible

Dear Miss Manners: Those who misuse handicapped parking spaces should be verbally assaulted and police should be called.

I once had a handicapped parking tag for six weeks - much needed, because of a broken foot - and learned a lot about how the general population misuses them, borrowing the car of a handicapped friend or relative.

If a person does not appear handicapped, I confront them with a clear conscience. Those who are offended give me reason to believe they are feeling guilty. Those who are entitled to use it are not offended but grateful that people care.

I will never shut up and mind my own business. Maybe the thin-skinned whiny complainers should develop a sense of humor and fake a limp and carry a fancy cane.

Gentle Reader: Miss Manners is very sorry about your handicap. Not the broken foot, which she trusts has healed, but your etiquette handicap.

You know that a number of disabilities that make walking difficult are not visible, which is presumably why you are challenging strangers instead of skipping that formality and making a citizen’s arrest. But you are incapable of seeing that the humiliation of being required to prove one’s disability to a passerby is ample cause for taking offense when there has been no transgression of the rules.

Compassion for people’s feelings is the rationale for putting aside special parking places for those who have trouble walking. But compassion for their physical feelings does not excuse trampling on their emotional feelings.

Dear Miss Manners: How do I respond to a friend’s comments about his “excellent” raises and bonuses?

He will segue to this topic with no prompting, and in the middle of conversations that have nothing to do with work. “Yeah, last year’s raise was great and this year’s raise looks excellent, and bonuses look excellent.”

To date, my responses have been of the congratulatory type; I comment on how fortunate this person is and how well he is doing. He falls silent after my comments.

This friend knows that my current employment offers minimal (if any) raises and no bonuses. When I mention my excitement over an upcoming interview, the friend remains silent. No comment, no congratulations, no questions. In short, no show of interest.

This one-way conversation is most annoying. How can I encourage him to express interest in my aspirations, rather than just bragging about his good fortune?

Gentle Reader: Are you quite sure that what you have there is a friend? Miss Manners is not even sure that he is alive, as he seems only to speak his piece about himself without the ability to entertain feedback.

You might try holding a mirror at his mouth. If he passes that test, try holding a mirror to his words - repeating only “great” and “excellent” at every such announcement, with no attempt to elaborate or contribute. If he doesn’t notice eventually, you may consider that he has failed the test and give up.