It’S Ok To Exercise On Park Bench

Dear Miss Manners: Am I hopelessly flabby-of-spirit when I cringe at the sign of a leg being extended on a park bench for a “stretch, stretch, stretch”?

The female whose head is to knee as she spreads her legs on the sidewalk suggests a condition requiring emergency medical care. Equally distasteful is the male who performs elaborate “lunges.” Am I too easily offended?

Gentle reader: Well, yes, Miss Manners is afraid so. None of this sounds attractive, and why people on park benches can’t just sit still, reading poetry, and occasionally refreshing themselves by looking up at the trees, she can’t imagine. But when she thinks of some of the things that go on in parks nowadays, she is not about to condemn people for taking exercise there.

Dear Miss Manners: In my orchestra class, we had a substitute who had been treated disrespectfully by lots of people when we had had him a couple of times before. I am a 12-year-old who was raised to respect my elders. I must admit I did laugh at a few jokes here and there, but nothing else.

He is the best sub we’ve had, because we played instead of watching a boring movie with someone who doesn’t like music. I told people to be quiet but not in a forceful way with a shout.

My classmates also are like this with our real teacher, who’s only been teaching for four years but has been playing for a long time. We have a festival in two weeks. Our teacher says we are the best intermediate orchestra he has had.

I respect him, my classmates and any subs we have. Reading this, do you think I’m respectful?

Gentle reader: Reading this, yes. You are reporting not only respect for adults and for music, but even for your errant classmates, by making your objections civil. Miss Manners commends you.

But something is bothering her. If your classmates misbehave for your regular teacher as well, why does he call them the best intermediate orchestra he has had? And why has the orchestra been selected to play in a festival?

Something is bothering you, too, or you would not have written. Is it possible that you are, shall we say, no longer in harmony with the rest of the orchestra?

It is not easy for a student to take the side of discipline - and of a teacher - against other students. The moral issue may be simple, but there is a political problem. Great care would have had to be taken to show that you were motivated by your interest in music, rather than an interest in seeming superior to your peers. Rather than telling your classmates to be quiet, which is the teacher’s job, you could have helped by saying, “Doesn’t anyone besides me want to play?”

If you failed to make that distinction, Miss Manners hopes you will not succumb to the temptation to erase this by imitating their bad behavior. Lying low and offering only the explanation that you love playing music with them, will eventually serve instead to redeem your reputation.

Dear Miss Manners: Our neighbors had a very loud party, with an outdoor sound system blaring music that could be heard in every room of probably 10 to 12 houses for around five hours. I am of the opinion that a party like that should be held in a hotel banquet room or rented hall.

But they did send a letter in advance saying they wanted to let the neighbors know about the party and that they “hope our party does not disrupt you in any way. Thank you for your understanding!” Does that get one off the hook for acting rudely?

Gentle reader: On the contrary, they have politely handed you the hook. Miss Manners advises you to use it.

Mind you, she does not say it was polite to give such a loud party. But these people were at least aware that it might cause offense. They went on to prove it, and now you have only to confirm the proof. A letter stating your regret that their party did disturb you and other neighbors and requesting that they not use such amplification again should be worded equally politely.