NBA fixed? Or did refs eat bad veal?

Let’s review the two major players in the latest episode of “The NBA: Is it FANtastic or Where Amazing (Officiating) Happens?”

David Stern: Repressive, controlling, draconian, iron-fisted, haughty, disingenuous, shrewd, treacherous, slippery, despotic, autocratic, calculating, slick, domineering, manipulative, high-handed, Machiavellian NBA commissioner/imperial czar.

Tim Donaghy: Rogue ref.*

Caesars Sports Book makes Stern a 1-to-5 favorite here.

(*Donaghy is also referred to repeatedly as a “convicted felon.” It’s never enough to besmirch character by just calling someone a “felon;” to destroy all credibility, we say “convicted felon.”)

Donaghy, the former NBA referee who plead guilty to charges of betting on games and taking cash from gamblers, is alleging other refs conspired to fix the outcome of playoff series.

Stern termed the charges “baseless.”

As the entire online and offshore universe comes down on the league – it appears to almost anyone near a keyboard or a megaphone that NBA conspiracy theory is finally being borne out here – I must, at least momentarily, come to the aid and defense of Stern.

I’ve never much liked David Stern. He is the master of spin; if he had skippered the Titanic, he would’ve blamed global warming. He wears his arrogance like cheap cologne and talks down to anyone within earshot.

Alas, today I am at his service.

In Donaghy’s letter filed in court, there is not a single name attached to his charges. There is a bunch of smoke there – the type you get at NBA arenas during those trumped-up player introductions – but I can’t find the fire yet.

(By the way, if the league and its refs are conspiring to influence the postseason, they’re doing a lousy job; last season we got an un-telegenic Spurs-Cavs NBA Finals that was a four-game sweep. Karl Rove had a better year shaping events – and he resigned.)

If Donaghy’s charges are true, let’s get the who, what and where. Let’s get names. Let’s get serial numbers. Let’s get specifics. Let’s get conversations or meetings that support any wrongdoing, let’s get memos or e-mails that support any shenanigans. Then let’s bring in the principals and question them.

(I’ve seen this on TV – I think it’s called the judicial process.)

Now, as for the postseason contest under suspicion – Game 6 of the Lakers-Kings series in 2002 in which the Lakers took 27 free throws in the fourth quarter – I watched that baby. To me, it appeared to be horrifically officiated.

(Note: I wasn’t there, I was watching on TV. And on TV, it’s hard to tell what is or isn’t a foul, unless we’re talking about Jimmy Kimmel.)

Was the fix in? I don’t know. But I’m sure we’ll find out. If there was a plan in place, are we supposed to believe it could be kept silent forever? At least three individuals – an NBA authority and, say, two refs, not to mention Matt Drudge – would have firsthand knowledge of any directive to shade the calls.

Frankly, it’s possible referee Bob Delaney had some bad veal Milanese at dinner before the game. It’s possible ref Dick Bavetta had an argument with his wife that afternoon and, as a result, was whistle-happy. It’s possible ref Ted Bernhardt put his left contact lens in his right eye and his right contact lens in his left shirt pocket.

And, furthermore, if the games were rigged, you know what?

We will heal as a nation. Baseball overcame the 1919 Black Sox scandal and college basketball survived point-shaving in the 1950s. Boxing matches and horse racing are routinely fixed. Professional wrestling is wildly popular and they know who wins every match BEFORE IT BEGINS.

Heck, we’ve had presidential elections that were crooked – 1960 and 2000 come to mind – and no one leapt out of the Washington Monument.

In America, we live by a simple credo, “There’s always another game tomorrow.”

Hopefully, it’s on the up-and-up.

Ask The Slouch

Q. Steroid scandals, criminal acts, serial fathers, Spygate video and now alleged fixing of NBA playoff games have polluted our athletic world. Where should we turn for a clean sporting fix? (Bruce Devney; Strongsville, Ohio)

A. Poker.

Q. With talk of referees controlling the outcome of basketball games, any chance the Harlem Globetrotters and Washington Generals might be possible NBA expansion teams? (Wayne Janaszek; Milwaukee)

A. Red Klotz needs to check with his great-grandson before returning to coaching.

Q. If David Stern determines the Celtics will win the NBA title but the refs have already bet on the Lakers, how do they decide? (Barry Ikler; Albany, N.Y.)

A. Silvio Dante usually makes the call, but he’s been in a coma for months.

Q. Can’t Dwyane Wade just get Caller ID? (Dan Cantwell; Albany, N.Y.)

A. Pay the man, Shirley.