Dear Annie 2/22
Dear Annie: About a year ago, I started talking to a guy whom I had met online, and for the most part, things have gone OK. I tend to be extremely guarded in what I will let people know about me, and there are not many people who know about my self-harm practices. I usually cut on my arms or legs, depending on which emotions I wish would just go away. I use either a razor blade or a box cutter.
This guy can be a real pain when he doesn’t get his way. If I tell him that I am not going to do something that he wants me to do, he flips out, saying that I should cut deep enough to allow me to die and be put out of my misery.
My reaction has been to self-harm until I feel better, but that doesn’t always work.
What is strange is that, very often on the following day, after we argue about something stupid, he acts as if there’s nothing wrong. I have been trying to act as if what he says doesn’t bother me, but that is a lot easier said than done.
What should I do when he tells me that I should cut deep enough to make sure that I die? How can I love someone who tells me such hurtful things? Is something wrong with me for loving him? – Confused In Love
Dear Confused in Love: There is nothing wrong with you, but there is something terribly wrong with the situation that you find yourself in. His verbal abuse is just another form of self-harm. Allowing him to speak to you in that way is unacceptable and a deal breaker. Please seek professional help from a reputable therapist. Once you process some of your negative emotions, which are driving you to cut yourself, you will be able to decide whether you want to stay with your boyfriend.
Dear Annie: With Valentine’s Day recently passing, I thought I would share this card with you that my husband gave me a few years before he passed away.
I was married to the most loving and thoughtful man for 44 years. One day, when he came home after he had run some errands, he handed me a card and said, “I just want you to know how I really feel.” So I would like to share the message of this card with you:
“YOU ARE MY WORLD, YOU ARE MY LOVE.”
“What if we had never met? What would I be doing? What kind of life would I have? I often think about these things and I always come to the same conclusion. Without you I would be an extremely unhappy person, living an unhappy life. I know that we met for a reason and that reason was that you and I were meant to be in love with each other. You and I were meant to be a team, giving us strength to function happily in the world. I am so thankful that things turned out the way they did and we were brought together. You are my world, you are my love. I love you.”
(Written by Susan Polis Schutz.)
I had the card framed and have it where I can read it every day and remember how much we loved each other. He fought a hard battle with cancer, but three years ago, the cancer won. He will always be “My World, My Love.” – Important Message
Dear Important Message: I am so sorry for your loss. You were very fortunate to have had 44 years of love and caring from such a considerate, warm and loving husband. Thank you for sharing this beautiful poem.
Send your questions for Annie Lane to dearannie@creators.com.