A therapist is urging singles to try something old in order to meet new potential partners at New Year’s Eve event

Once upon a time, people actually met potential love interests in person as opposed to on dating apps. That was the norm before something called the internet changed life and dating as many know it.

Dating apps cast a much larger net, but according to Heather Pincelli, it’s better to meet a possible partner in person. The licensed mental health therapist is not a fan of dating apps and hopes singles will try something old in order to meet someone new.

“Studies continue to show that the use of apps has a negative impact on mental health,” Pincelli said from her Liberty Lake home. “Dating apps increase depression, loneliness and hopelessness.”

The antidote, according to Pincelli, is meeting in person, which is why she has set up the first Singles-Only New Year’s Eve Party Sunday at Spokane Valley’s Mirabeau Park Hotel & Convention Center.

“There are so many pros to actually meeting someone in person as opposed to finding them on an app,” Pincelli said.

The advantage is seeing a prospective paramour as opposed to eyeballing a picture that could be dated and then there is sussing out whether there is chemistry.

“You can lie in person but you can’t, by definition, engage in catfishing as in giving a photo of someone that is not you or a photo from 10 years ago,” Pincelli said. “Some guys might show a photo of themselves a few years ago when they had a full head of hair and now they’re bald. That’s who they are now.

“But the big thing is that you can do a pulse check and see if you have an organic connection. Do you like this person or does your nervous system send a message that you should run away? People have a different personality online. You might feel good about a person texting back and forth but it’s another thing to be with someone in person.”

Some folks fear rejection in person. That’s no problem for those who attend Pincelli’s event since she will prep those for a potential turn down by playing the rejection game.

“One of the biggest concerns about dating is being told no,” Pincelli said. “We’re going to practice how to be rejected. I’ll have people go up to others and say, ‘Hi I’m whatever their name is, would you like to go out with me?’ Even if you like the person, the instruction is to say, ‘Thank you very much, but at this time I’m going to have to decline and I wish you good luck.’

“The game is about being gently and safely rejected. It’s about learning the language and how to reject the advance.”

There are a number of other optional games, such as an exercise in transparency and vulnerability.

“One of the things we’ll talk about is coming in here with the goal that is setting a specific intention for the evening,” Pincelli said. “We’re going to move into ice breakers and barriers. We’ll do an eye-gazing exercise. That one is super hilarious. People will avert their eyes quickly. They’ll do anything to disconnect. They’ll look into their partners’ eyes and see the human self and probably see some anxiety.

“Then we’ll do an authentic sharing game. It’s a card game like spin the bottle, but it’s mental health style. It’s spin the bottle dating but there’s no physical contact. The idea is to connect with yourself and others.”

The games are designed to give participants the courage to connect with others.

“Even if you don’t click with anyone at the event, you now have some tools to meet someone in person in the future,” Pincelli said. “Maybe you’ll meet someone at the event or at least the hope is that you have fun.”

There will be karaoke, dancing, appetizers, desserts and prizes. Jackalope Spokane Axe Throwing, the Spokane Comedy Club and Coeur d’Alene On Ice have donated tickets.

“It’s not just a raffle, you have to engage in activities in order to win,” Pincelli said. “It’s going to be a great environment. There will be a therapist there, me, to support anyone who needs it.”

According to Pincelli, there are a dearth of events designed for singles in Spokane and she hopes to change that by setting up singles nights in 2024.

“A lot of bigger cities have evenings for singles to mix and meet,” Pincelli said. “It’s time for Spokane to have such nights. People need an alternative to apps, which are so detrimental.”

How demoralizing are dating apps? “They’re so bad that according to a study, if you check out 50 profiles of people on an app, you’ll match up with maybe 25 people, but you’re lucky to get one actual date,” Pincelli said. “When you are unmatched, you wonder if you’re unattractive and if your situation is hopeless. The situation is not hopeless.

“Apps are sabotaging our culture instead of adding value.”

Pincelli, 43, who is a divorced mother of three children, is working on setting up a singles event at Spokane Axe Throwing during the weekend prior to Valentine’s Day.

“I’m going to do all that I can to help people get out and meet people,” Pincelli said. “There is an alternative to the frustration of dating apps and the loneliness and despair of sitting home munching popcorn watching movies alone. People need to get out and mingle.

“There are so many interesting and fun people in our area. The best way to meet them is to step outside your door.”