Dear Annie: Husband keeps convincing me of his lies
Dear Annie: I will have been married for 22 years this September, and we have been together for 26. But I recently discovered that for the past three years, my husband was talking to another woman in secret. I found evidence in texting, voicemails and even a that they were at a casino once. I mean, if I would have taken all that to court, a judge would honestly tell me he’s cheating on you, but my husband convinced me otherwise. He swore up and down there was nothing between them, ; he swore up and down that nothing sexual happened between them, and he told me that at that time he was attracted to her for a while but nothing happened between them.
He’s a great guy because he always puts me and my kids first in life, but we also have a sex problem. He hasn’t slept with me for years. I mean, nothing. After all this, I heard two more voice messages, and there was a selfie picture of her on his phone, and of course he had an excuse for both.
In addition to those things, there were other signs that he was not acting like himself. So I put GPS in his car to track it. One night he told me he was meeting with his friends, but the GPS showed that he went over to her house. He swears up and down that he did not see her. He he met at her house with a male friend.
How am I supposed to believe that? He has been going there for at least 10 to 20 minutes every night, and this is after he promised me he would never go there or even down that street. It’s always lie after lie. I don’t trust him anymore.
He keeps telling me he loves me and I’m the only one for him and he can’t be without me. But when we are together, and he touches me, I can’t help but wonder if he has done the same thing with her.
The worst part of the problem is that I still love him. I can’t live without him. What do I do? – Lost Girl
Dear Lost: There is nothing lost about you; in fact, you just found yourself in a very hurtful relationship. What your husband is doing to you is not fair. He is being a coward by not fessing up to you that he is cheating. If you truly believe that – and it sure sounds like it – then I encourage both of you to seek marriage counseling immediately. If he refuses and does not want to, then you go for yourself.
Once trust is gone, it takes both partners coming clean with each other honestly and wanting to work on their relationship. Tracking his location is a form of not trusting him, but it sounds like you had good reasons.
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