Column

Whoever wrote the blotter report for the Post Falls Police Department on Thursday is a kindred spirit of Huckleberries. One brief report told of a woman and her roommate who were frightened by someone trying to break into their apartment. Upon investigation, the two women discovered that a “cat burglar” had tried but failed to enter their home. The report concluded: “This is most likely due to the absence of opposing thumbs.” … Another item told of a man who called the cops because a Post Falls convenience store clerk wouldn’t let him use the restroom. The man demanded his right to pee in the store because, after all, restaurants allow patrons to use their restrooms. The blotter noted: “The officer provided the male with clues that would help him later differentiate between a convenience store and a dining establishment.” … Finally, there was the Taco Bell worker bee who discovered “after a long night of nacho building” that he had locked himself out of his car. An officer opened the door with a slim jim. The blotter read: “A slim jim is a tool used to unlock a vehicle. Not to be confused with a stick of processed meat” … The report received 332 likes, 33 shares and 76 comments on Facebook, including this one from Councilwoman Kerri Thoreson: “I give this report two thumbs up!” He shall overcome

Baby boomers were not the first to discover this. But it’s a widely accepted truth that the holiday partygoing experience tends to change over the years. When you are single and in your early 20s, your hopes for and expectations of a social gathering can be quite different from when you are married and let’s just say considerably older.

Millennials! You’ve heard of them, right? Judging by the relentless media inquiry, you might suspect they are an alien race, landed from the future or outer space or Brooklyn, whom we must now dissect sociologically. As with every successive generation, at least since the Baby Boom, there is a widespread and thumb-fingered effort to get a grip on just who these young people are. National news magazines do cover stories. Pollsters track their attitudes. The Pew Research Center offers a quiz: “How Millennial Are You?” And everyone tries to fold 73 million young people, ages 18 to 34 or thereabouts, into a single box. They’re self-absorbed. They’re pampered. They’re socially conscious. They wear pajamas in public. They’re creative and entrepreneurial. They’re this or that, or that or this.

Here’s another manger scene you won’t find in the New Testament. It’s more like an outtake from “The Big Lebowski,” if that cult favorite had been set in Bethlehem.

You might already be familiar with the 12 Lies of Christmas. But it never hurts to review.

You can speculate until the crows fly home as to how a flat-broke, uneducated Irish bloke like Patsy Clark came to America and wound up owning gold mines and living in Spokane’s best-looking mansion. That said, John Richards believes one telling glimpse into the historic figure’s superhuman drive to succeed can be seen in something he did long before striking it rich.

If Thanksgiving was a test, then I failed it. Oh, the turkey turned out perfectly golden brown; the potatoes were fluffy – the gravy lump-free. But if the apple pies tasted a bit salty, I have to confess the secret ingredient was tears.

I like to think I am capable of learning from my mistakes. So, with a week until Christmas, I am prepared to make a bold declaration.

Based on the caravan of emails that rolled in, I apparently hotwired a nerve last week by asking readers to send me their favorite tales about Spokane’s notorious bad drivers. “Wow, you sure do know how to up my pressure, white knuckle it and make me grit my teeth,” wrote Darlene Norton, who could have been sideswiped at a four-way stop thanks to an out-of-turn road hog.

I ask myself, how can I make the season bright for someone? And I have come up with an answer.

I mentioned last Monday that Slice reader Pat Cadagan possessed a Hostess Holiday Fruitcake he had purchased a couple of years ago, back when they were still being made. And that he offered to share it. “If you dare,” he said.

The big December countdown has begun. We’re seven days away from the 70th wedding anniversary of Lonnie and Peg Roe.

It was standing-room only in Sandpoint late last week as 75-plus people filled the Sandpoint Library’s community room for a three-hour workshop on Idaho’s open meeting and public records laws. There were four such sessions in North Idaho in as many days, all sponsored by Idahoans for Openness in Government and featuring Idaho Attorney General Lawrence Wasden. Those attending ranged from the county sheriff to local elected officials to government employees, reporters, a newly elected state lawmaker and lots of interested citizens. However, the Bonner County Daily Bee, which co-sponsored the session, pointed out the next day that Sandpoint city officials skipped the workshop – and held a controversial, closed-to-the-public meeting about oil and coal train traffic in the region the same afternoon.

Wonkette, the left-leaning online mag, said the selection of former U.S. Sen. Larry Craig to be finance chair for the Idaho Republican Party is “an inspiring holiday story of forgiveness and redemption.” Wonkette, of course, was being sarcastic. In a recent article, Wonkette’s Doctor Zoom continued: “It’s heartening to know that even after Craig was arrested in 2007 and charged with soliciting sex in a bathroom stall in the Minneapolis-St. Paul airport, then ordered to pay the Treasury Department roughly $242,000 after using campaign funds to cover his legal defense, Idaho Republicans are still willing to give Sen. Widestance a second chance.”

This is a season of joy. But for some, it is also a time of regret.

If you call the number once listed for the defunct Mitchell, Jessen & Associates, you will be told that neither James Mitchell nor Bruce Jessen has any association with the company now at that number. Which is not to say that connections between the two companies don’t exist.

Remember kids, Spokane is farther north than virtually all of the Midwest and Northeast. So if Santa has some sort of problem on Christmas Eve, chances are he will have already made his rounds here before the sleigh malfunction, pulled reindeer groin or whatever.

James Mitchell – considered one of the men who built a torture empire from Spokane – has started speaking publicly. And though he mostly dances around the shocking and specific allegations that have arisen against the work he did, Mitchell still manages to find a lot to say.

Here’s a note from 86-year-old Janet Shaffer. “Dear Mr. Turner,