Column

Some manger-scene stories are not found in the New Testament. “When my sons were young, baby Jesus went on many wonderful adventures with the Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles,” wrote Deb Harper. “His life has been boring, even sedentary, since then.”

It’s long been known that a pair of former Fairchild Air Force Base psychologists helped develop and personally implement the CIA torture program following the 9/11 attacks. A new Senate report details how much money they made doing it.

The weather outside is anything but frightful. Gas prices are no longer spiteful. My Eagles are winning.

Not all childhood model train sets disappear. “My brother Wally and I received our first train for Christmas in 1954 in Pomeroy, Wash.,” wrote Bill Stanley. “A Lionel work train with hopper car, pipe car, crane, caboose and Seaboard 6250 NW-2 switcher.

Is “Round John Virgin” your favorite misheard Christmas lyric? Let’s move on.

Considering the sad state of print these days, I’m probably lucky that Blythe Thimsen hasn’t sued me for helping jump-start her journalism career. Au contraire. Thimsen, editor of Spokane Coeur d’Alene Living magazine for the last 10 years, gave me an appreciative shout-out in a recent issue.

Idaho Secretary of State Ben Ysursa, as he accepted a major civic engagement award from the City Club of Boise last week, had this message for his successor, Secretary of State-elect Lawerence Denney: “Folks will be watching.” Ysursa said, “My advice to him is stay the course” when it comes to Idaho elections. He noted that Denney already has decided to keep Ysursa’s current chief deputy, Tim Hurst, and as much of the current staff in the office as possible.

There aren’t many candy bars out there worth a misdemeanor shoplifting citation, let alone a felony charge. Maybe a Snickers. Or a giant peanut butter cup. But not much else. Which makes Huckleberries wonder about the 72-cent candy bar from Post Falls Super 1 that landed a woman back in the county jug last week. According to Post Falls police, the woman gobbled the candy bar in the store bathroom and then paid for other items before leaving the store. When she was nailed by store security for stealing the candy bar, she lied about her name. Why? She told security that she had been released from jail that morning – and had been warned by a judge that she would be charged with a felony next time she was caught stealing. Do not pass go. Do not collect $200. Bikini weather?

Only I didn’t say “fudge.” The Slice asked if readers had stories similar to a memorable scene in “A Christmas Story” in which Ralphie drops an F bomb.

If you are one of those people upset by hearing “Happy holidays,” has it occurred to you that your predictable protests might amuse those who keep poking you with that particular stick? Let’s move on.

The story of Rogers High School’s wandering copy of “Gone With the Wind” just keeps going – now with a possible exoneration of sorts. A copy of Margaret Mitchell’s massive and popular melodrama was returned recently to Rogers, overdue by some 65 years and arriving from 3,000 miles away and with zero explanation for how it had made such a journey. A man in Carmel, Maine, discovered the book in his father’s New England cellar and sent it to Rogers – after first sending a letter checking to make sure it was the right book and begging for relief from the overdue fines. He had no idea how the book made its cross-country journey, but the last known person to check it out was Betty Mandershied, a student at Rogers in 1949. Mandershied later married Tony Stokes.

This is the time of year when you have to be careful about what you say. You see, admitting to never having watched a certain holiday movie or animated Christmas TV show can invite verbal abuse.

Three reasons why an online fad threatens normal discourse between human beings and will lead to the decline of civilization as we know it: 1. The Internet is overrun with writers who apparently can no longer communicate unless it’s in the form of a catchy list.

I blame “Christmas Vacation” for my husband’s reluctance to attempt outdoor lighting and decorations during the holiday season. Watching the movie is annual tradition in our home, but I fear Clark Griswold’s electrical mishaps may have installed a wariness of Christmas lights in my own “Sparky.”

If something like this has happened to you, please share your story with The Slice. I promise not to say “Well, duh!”

What is the biggest threat to Spokane’s future? Politicians inciting riot? Profiteers destroying civil society? Ben Stuckart’s “dirty smear” on the Spokane Municipal Code, and the rest of the City Council majority’s “lawlessness”?

I’m concerned about where all these ugly Christmas sweaters are going to wind up when they are no longer trendy. But before getting to that, a little background.

Who makes the call in your household? You know, when someone withdraws a plate or bowl from the fridge, holds up the aging leftovers and asks, “Do you think this is still good?”

Let’s review some letters to Santa written by kindergarten kids at the Pioneer School in Spokane Valley. (Thanks to Betty Burley-Wolf for sharing them.)