Column

Why let a turkey into the band? Cuz of the drumsticks, man.

When you visit a nursing home every day, thanking people becomes second nature. For one thing, it seems like common sense to try to stay on the right side of those taking care of your loved one. And there’s also the simple fact that some of the routine tasks performed by nursing home employees are among the least agreeable chores imaginable.

SAN FRANCISCO – The Clarks arrived here Monday morning bearing gifts for the new child. As I mentioned several columns ago, my beautiful daughter, Emily, recently brought into the world a healthy, sweet 7-pound baby girl, our first grandchild.

There’s a certain magic in freezing weather that not everyone knows about. If you skim a stone across a recently frozen-over pond, it can create arguably the eeriest sound to be encountered in nature.

Let’s start with a conversion story. “I never really cared for cats,” wrote North Sider Bruce Rogers.

A million-plus Americans have heart attacks each year. Bob Rowles joined these sobering numbers on a hard court about 11:30 a.m. on Nov. 14.

State lawmakers are growing concerned about the broadband network that serves high schools across the state, after a judge Nov. 10 voided a $60 million contract for the Idaho Education Network, ruling it was issued illegally. “At the end of the day, this is an important thing,” said House Speaker Scott Bedke, R-Oakley. “We need to get a new contract as quickly as possible and keep the service up and going during the school year. You have school districts that are dependent on this service, they’re in the middle of a term, and … the less disruption the better here, on our way to a new contract that addresses the issues that have been raised.”

The death Friday of former Sandpoint Mayor Gretchen Albrecht-Hellar closes the book on decades of public service by two remarkable women. Gretchen was a peace advocate and former leader of the Bonner County human rights effort. Her mother? Old-timers in Coeur d’Alene will never forget the late Lois Land-Albrecht. The flamboyant former Coeur d’Alene councilwoman had a troublesome, barking dog, Bandito, and a sharp tongue that whittled Lake City’s high-and-mighty down to size. In my Huckleberries column of Nov. 17, 1998, I wrote of Hellar: “Lois Land-Albrecht must be smiling somewhere up there. Her daughter, Gretchen, is a chip off the ol’ block. Gretchen Albrecht-Hellar of Sandpoint was looking racist Richard Butler in the eye Thursday, when she told a Bonner County Human Rights Task Force gathering: ‘Everyone should be able to live in a racism-free community.’ ” Land-Albrecht never backed down. Neither did her daughter. North Idaho is better off that they didn’t. Brush with fame

Quite a few readers protested my decision to not print kids’ instructions for preparing a Thanksgiving dinner this year. So I have come up with a compromise. I’ll share one more batch today. Then, next time, I’ll ask area children to tackle a new holiday assignment.

We might have identified the least intimidating sports mascot in American scholastic history. Spokane’s Barbara Hooper said her husband, Hal, graduated from Idaho Falls High School in the 1950s. The teams were known as the Tigers.

Dan Sisson grew up about an hour away from Monticello, Thomas Jefferson’s famous plantation home near Charlottesville, Virginia. “We used to go and have the whole place to ourselves, just wandering, and I fell in love with it,” Sisson said.

Slice readers addressed driving in countries where motorists travel in the left lane. “My wife sat in the SCREAMER seat. Over here we would call it riding shotgun.” – Don Thomas

Frank Wagner called JayDean Ludiker last Sunday night with instructions. “You’re in charge of the music at my service,” the dying man told his longtime friend, adding that they would get together later this week to go over tunes.

Holidays can be about making memories. Betty Shanks remembers the Thanksgiving after her son who lived in New York City had gotten engaged to a young lady from Poland.

How much nonconfiscation of guns will have to occur before those who opposed closing the gun-show loophole recognize no one’s trying to confiscate their guns? How many uncles will have to hand guns to their nephews without being prosecuted for it, how many patriotic neighbors, sharing guns and apple pie over the back fence, will go completely unarrested, before it’s clear that the opponents of background checks were, once again, as always, crying wolf?

Like anyone with an email address, I get a lot of garbage mail from people I barely know. For some reason, people think it’s cute to send me corny jokes or touching stories or notices of late payment on my Visa bill.

I’ve been considering getting back into cross-country skiing, and I have questions. Here’s hoping Slice readers have answers. Let’s get right to it.

If you have wondered what I would be like as the host of a Spokane radio call-in show aimed at baby boomers seeking advice, here’s a glimpse. Caller: What’s the biggest drawback to tapping my IRA as soon as I turn 59½?

A herd of traveling comics stampeded into the Bing Crosby Theater the other night and, boy, were their feet sore. Sorry. With material that lame, it’s obvious I wasn’t participating in this Spokane leg of the 35th annual Seattle International Comedy Competition.