Even When Tempted, Avoid Rudeness
Dear Miss Manners: Today I approached the line leading to a gas-station attendant’s window and observed that the man in front of me did not seem to be in line. He was not in back of the woman who was at the head of the queue, and I thought he might simply be accompanying her. At the same time, I saw two men moving to take their places in back of the woman at the head of the line (in front of the man who was hanging back). This would have put them in front of both the other man and me.
I asked (with a smile), “Excuse me, Sir, are you in line?” I did not want to jump in front of him in case my assumptions were incorrect.
He bellowed loudly (shouted, really) in a vicious tone, “No, I’m not in line! I just enjoy hanging around gas stations. Tell me, are YOU in line?!? Huh??? Huh???”
I thought his rudeness did not deserve an answer and simply waited in line in back of him until I reached the window. Also, I was a bit worried that this animal might attack me physically. (I’m a woman, in case you haven’t guessed.)
However, pride demanded that I make some sort of rejoinder. As the man finished his transaction and turned to leave, and I reached the relative safety of the attendant’s window, I asked, “What on earth is the matter with you?”
His answer was digital (and I’m not referring to computers). In case, God forbid, other people find themselves in this situation, what is the best response to such a clown?
Gentle Reader: Actually, you made the best response - dignified and dismissive. Then you repented and spoiled it all.
Miss Manners agrees that it is not satisfying to let rudeness pass unchecked, so the temptation to snap back is so large that people who refrain plunge into remorse.
Nevertheless, as your experience demonstrates, not letting it pass doesn’t work. People who are that rude will not shrivel in shame when confronted; they will counter-attack.
The only thing that really annoys them is being snubbed. Surely that should be enough of a motive if you don’t find being polite and safe satisfying enough.
Dear Miss Manners: Please tell me how I can discourage daily half hour phone calls in a polite manner.
This woman considers herself my friend. The calls are always on the same theme, about her arguments with her neighbors, the tardiness of the newspaper delivery and how smart she was in putting down her husband.
These lengthy calls are not only boring, but they cut into my daily chores in my home as well as my outside work that is far more interesting for me. Yet, I don’t want to be rude to her because I feel she is lonely and is using me as a sounding board.
Gentle Reader: Ever heard of the answering machine?
Miss Manners remembers when people in your position had to take to turning off the lights and hiding under the rug. Even in the early days of that wonderful device, they cowered as their tormentors shouted “Pick up the phone, I know you’re there!”
Now we live in a civilized era, where it is understood that the telephone is a convenience for its owners, who may politely use it at their convenience. Even if called on it, they need only reply, “Oh, I was busy so I had the machine on.”