Anything short of open honesty is inexcusable

Carolyn: So I found out that a guy is interested in me and I called him. I have a boyfriend, whom I’ve lived with for three years. The guy who is interested and I are meeting for lunch. He knows I have a boyfriend, he knows that I know he is interested in me in more than a friendly way, and he knows I am just interested in being friends. Am I opening a can of worms by having lunch with him? — Aberdeen, Md.

Gee, do you think?

Figure out what you want, then have the guts to go get it openly and honestly. Anything short of that is inexcusable.

Carolyn: How do you know when you are doing too much for a guy? How do you know when to stop baking cookies, doing the laundry, fixing his favorite foods, etc.? I’m a big time giver (not so much on the money, but the doing) and I hear from everyone that I do too much. — Virginia

You stop baking/doing/fixing if you stop wanting to bake/do/fix, or if you feel like you’re being taken for granted, or if you believe the guy won’t love you if you stop baking/doing/fixing. Read the last part as many times as it takes for it to stick.

Carolyn: Do you think it is fair for a couple to split living expenses 50-50, or on a percentage based on how their incomes compare? For instance, I think my boyfriend and I should each put, say, 30 percent of our income into a joint account, and then pay bills from there. But he thinks we should split all bills 50-50. Since I am just graduating from college and he makes more money than I do, that means I’ll be broke for years until I advance up the career ladder, while he’ll have lots of money left over. Any help? — Washington, D.C.

Yes. Don’t live with him.

Carolyn: My boyfriend recently told me he needs time to think about our relationship. He’s going through a lot right now, job change, parental issues, moving, etc. Question is, how long do I give him? We agreed on a date to talk again (we aren’t in contact right now) but what do I do in the meantime, and what if he still needs more time to sort things out? — Somewhere, USA

You live your life, and you accept that you can’t make him come back. I’m sorry.

Carolyn: In absolutely fantastic relationship but would be much happier if I lived in another city. Partner doesn’t know I gave up moving to stay for him, he wouldn’t be able to move away for another year or two anyway and really likes it here. At what point do I need to make a decision between being happy with a man or being happy with my career? And what’s the best way to make that decision? — Between a Rock and a Hard Place

With him. No fair assuming you know what he wants, even if you do it with his interests at heart. Having a partner means you decide as a team.