It’s anybody’s guess which C-list celeb will get a show
C-list celebrities returned to television en masse this week with the second season of ABC’s “Dancing With the Stars.”
George Hamilton, Tatum O’Neal and Drew “I’m Nick’s Brother” Lachey were among those strutting their stuff Thursday night in hopes of becoming the next John O’Hurley or Kelly Monaco. (Aim high, oh former famous ones.)
On Jan. 18, more C-listers (including Dave Coulier of “Full House” and Todd Bridges of “Diff’rent Strokes”) strap on the blades to compete in “Skating With Celebrities” on Fox. (No truth to the rumor that NBC is rolling out “Fencing With Famous People.”)
You can’t blame the networks for wanting to cash in on these third-tier folks. Cable channels TBS, TV Land, VH1 and E! are popping into prime time the likes of Pauly Shore, Mr. T, Christopher Knight (aka Peter Brady) and the Gastineau Girls.
(At least Kathy Griffin practices truth in advertising with her Bravo show: “My Life on the D-List.”)
But there are some notable omissions on the C-list casting circuit. So it’s time to consider who’s next in the random world of “celebreality”-style casting:
Has a show
Hulk Hogan: “Hogan Knows Best” (VH1). The wrestler “runs a tight ship,” raising two teens as the pumped-up patriarch in a Clearwater, Fla., mansion.
Needs a show
Bob Crane: “Hogan Knew Best.” There’s bound to be an undiscovered home video from the late “Hogan’s Heroes” star, providing a racy road map to throw a “swinging” party.
Has a show
Bobby Brown: “Being Bobby Brown” (Bravo). Being Bobby Brown apparently entails plenty of cussing and acting crazy with the wife, Whitney Houston.
Needs a show
Ralph Tresvant: “Being Ralph Tresvant.” No alliteration, but Brown’s former New Edition bandmate intrigues. With song titles from his second solo album (“Sex Maniac,” “The Booty Affair”) we can only think: Skinemax.
Has a show
Flava Flav: “Flavor of Love” (VH1). The former Public Enemy serves up his own flavor of “The Bachelor”; instead of the Rose Ceremony, Flav drapes the necks of his favorites with his trademark oversize watch.
Needs a show
Courtney Love: “Flavor of Love.” Loony, unpredictable behavior plus court appearances will equal fun for fans who miss “The Osbournes” and love “Law & Order.”
Has a show
Venus and Serena Williams: “Venus & Serena” (ABC Family). The sister show is sort of a “Lifestyles of the Rich and Famous Holding Rackets.”
Needs a show
Eminem and ex-wife Kim Mathers: “Eminem & Kim.” Reportedly reunited, and it feels so … odd.
Has a show
Danny Bonaduce: “Breaking Bonaduce” (VH1). Oh, the train-wreck bliss of spying on the former “Partridge Family” redhead’s therapy sessions and descent into drugs. Less fun: the suicide attempt.
Needs a show
Lillo Brancato: “Breaking Brancato.” The aspiring “Sopranos” thug was arrested last month and charged with second-degree murder and burglary. People, this show will script itself.