His ultimatum seems unfair

Dear Annie: I love my husband dearly. We have one child, who was not planned. My husband seems to enjoy being a father, but when I told him I want another child, he freaked out. He said he doesn’t like “responsibility” and doesn’t want any more children.

I’m an only child and don’t want my child to be one as well. There’s nothing wrong with being an only child, but to this day, I have always been envious of the special relationship siblings have. That bond can never be re-created in other relationships.

I told my husband I wasn’t going to be taking birth control anymore so he needed to figure out what he was going to do. He told me he would divorce me if I got pregnant. I don’t really believe that, but it’s a strong stance. I’d just wait him out, but I have a history of ovarian cysts and tumors and have been told by my doctor that I might need an ovariectomy by the time I’m 30. I’m almost 28 now, so I don’t have a lot of time. Any insight? – Ticking Clock

Dear Ticking: Whether or not to have children, and how many, is a major deal-breaker for most marriages. If you become pregnant, your husband may come around, as many fathers do, but you can’t know for sure. He may decide to withhold sex or get a vasectomy to make sure there is no pregnancy. We also think it is unfair for him to make a unilateral decision not to have more children knowing how much a larger family means to you. Please find a third party to mediate this – perhaps your clergy or a counselor – and decide if your marriage is as important to you as having another child, because it may come to that.

Dear Annie: Two of my children are getting married next year. My side of the family is quite large. I have more than 60 first cousins, who are married with children. I am not close to all of them, even some in the same family, and my children don’t know most of them. I definitely want to invite all my aunts and uncles, and I would like to invite the cousins we know best.

Is it OK to invite some cousins from a family and not others? I don’t want to hurt anyone’s feelings, but we cannot afford to invite everyone. Nor will the facility hold so many people. What is the proper thing to do? – Wedding Woes

Dear Wedding Woes: Since your cousins are all grown with their own families and you have individual relationships with each, you may invite those with whom you are close and perhaps put the others on your “B” list. However, if doing this will create a family rift, you might prefer to limit the guest list to your aunts and uncles and have an informal party for the cousins to meet the bride and groom at a later date.