Miss Manners 7/28

DEAR MISS MANNERS: We are lucky enough to own a vacation house in a highly sought-after locale (think island house) and we enjoy having visitors. However, the utilities are a bit delicate. Water is expensive and somewhat expensive, and our septic system can be finicky.

We try to explain the situation to family and friends, and most people are absolutely great. One person, however – part of a couple – is completely oblivious. I chided that I might need to skip running the dishwasher one night after an outrageously long shower (we have an easy on/off switch on the showerhead), and their response was “oops.”

Another year, we were presented with a stack of huge beach towels (ours are certainly adequate) “to give an indulgence” to the house. I worry about how to wash them and about our lack of storage space. Shipping them home seems silly.

Now that restrictions might be lifting, I’m sure the innocent half of the couple will notice fewer invitations. (Anyway, with social media, there is no privacy.) Advice on a graceful solution?

GENTLE READER: Not inviting them back is the graceful solution.

What you need from Miss Manners is an answer when either half of the couple asks how they have offended you. The graceful response is surprise and denial, to which you can append the innocent observation that you did not think they ever felt entirely at home in your old house with its rickety heating and piping.

DEAR MISS MANNERS: My parents, who are in their late 70s and live in Los Angeles, both have medical issues (heart conditions, arthritis and kidney problems). When shopping, they frequently use their handicap passes whenever there is a free spot.

While they do not do much shopping now, they have complained of trouble when trying to leave a parking spot. It seems that it has become the norm to use a fist to slam the back of the car of someone trying to back out of a space. I have seen rude people in parking lots do this.

My parents always look in both directions before backing up, and back up slowly. Still, I have seen someone, walking in the lot, who hurried to pass and hit the back of their car.

I was always taught that if you see a car backing up, you wait until it has finished, and then continue walking. If the driver makes eye contact and waves you along, then you can keep walking.

When someone bangs on the trunk, it scares my elderly parents to death; their hearts race, and they worry about each other’s medical conditions. They are not of any means to afford backup cameras on their car.

Is waiting and making eye contact no longer polite?

GENTLE READER: Waiting and making eye contact are still polite, and banging on someone’s car is still not. Miss Manners makes an exception to the latter if it is necessary to prevent imminent harm – although she is not thinking of imminent harm that the pedestrian knowingly risked by being impatient.

Send your questions to Miss Manners at her website missmanners.com.