A liens have successfully crossbred with humans.
Sounds like a cover story for the Weekly World News doesn't it?
But according to Dr. Bred (a.k.a. Wonderbread), leader of the Seattle-based Super Sonic Soul Pimps, aliens have mated with humans. He should know; he conducted the ultra hush-hush experiment in the mid-1960s. (Funny how Dr. Bred's birth dates back to about the same time.)
Yes, we know this is a joke; these guys are just a little kooky - their absurd costumes scream, "escaped asylum patients." So we'll just let them go on pretending. The story's interesting, all the same.
The three men - Intellijamus, Otto E. Roticize and Taboo - that were the result of the groundbreaking study along with Dr. Bred comprise the Super Sonic Soul Pimps, a three-quarters alien, intergalactic explosion of soul and funk. The band plays the Zoo in Pullman tonight and Outback Jack's Saturday night.
This is starting to sound more like a topic to be explored by agents Fox Mulder and Dana Scully on an future "X Files" episode.
"That 'X Files' stuff is kind of hokey-pokey," said Dr. Bred, from his hideout lab in Seattle. "You've got to separate the raisin from the raisin bran. We are the real legitimate bran, damn it!"
The story goes like this: In college, Dr. Bred became fascinated, strike that, obsessed with mammal breeding habits. In fact, much of his doctoral studies were in cross-breeding and genetics. He received a degree in the late '50s from a nowdefunct university in Switzerland, despite protests from faculty.
Wonderbread moved to Alaska in the late '50s and began successfully cross-breeding different species like bears with deer.
It was then that Dr. Bred was contacted by aliens to conduct similar experiments using them and humans as subjects. In short, a female extraterrestrial from a distant planet in our galaxy gave birth to three half-human, half-alien sons. Dr. Bred is their stepfather since the human participant died during breeding.
Currently, the four have a message to spread through both their live concerts and self-titled debut CD. As to the message - it's a little vague.
"I'm not going to say like Jesus we're going to make the fish explode in numbers and the bread be passed around to everybody," said Dr. Bred from his hideout in Seattle, "but it's going to be damn close."
Dr. Bred isn't the only one who knows aliens live among us. He recently learned that the F.B.I. has been keeping a close tab on them.
"The FBI has been tracing us," he said. "We're careful, and they yet to have any legal reason to take us down. In fact, it's my theory they are, in essence, watching us to see if we're contacted. We are in their minds a decoy. But of course we have a greater plan than that.
"There is something big around the corner that I have not been made fully aware of yet that the three triplets are aware of and it's something this alien life does want to communicate to us as a planet. They feel they're going to accomplish it through music."
Be scared humans. Be very scared.
Saturday's concert starts at 9:30 p.m. The cover is $3.
Wylie's Wild West Show
I'm miffed that Wylie Gustafson and his sidekick, the Wild West Show, haven't scored a record deal, especially when most of the country bands on the radio - just like the '80s hair metal bands - are schlock, musical junk food, if you will.
None of that has deterred Gustafson from playing music that is great, because other than the token cowboy hat, today's country music has lost touch with its roots. Wylie and the Wild West Show remind us what country music was all about.
Gustafson, a traditionalist, dresses his Western music with the styles absent from most country today. There's yodeling cowboy music, old dirt-stomping honkey tonk, strains of Austin and Bakersfield and a taste of blues.
Wylie and the Wild West Show have released two stand-out albums - 1992's self-titled and 1994's "Get Wild." A third one, recorded by Ray Benson of the Austin, Texas, legend Asleep at the Wheel is on the way.
Gustafson plays the El Toreador tonight with Thom Ramsey. Music starts at 9:30 p.m.
Kiss the clown
Circus clowns have always made me want to crawl under my bed sheets. I've had a clown phobia since I was a wee child.
And when the clown doll in Poltergeist pulled little Robbie under the bed, I had repeating nightmares.
So what does all this mean?
Southern California's Kiss the Clown, which plays Ichabod's North with the Flies and the Monas tonight, is helping me to overcome my phobia. Its debut CD has been by my bedside for the last couple of weeks.
Kiss the Clown offers up fun, guitar-driven rock not unlike music by the Dickies music, an obvious influence for the band.
Last year, Kiss the Clown opened for the legendary Dickies on the band's U.S. tour. Touring with one of holiest of holys in punk rock was a big highlight for the band.
"We didn't get to hang out with them too much," says guitarist Ky Porter. "They've been my favorite band since high school. So I was pretty stoked about that."
The band is signed to Rotten Records, a label known for its mainstream-unfriendly roster.
The songs on its eponymous debut original appeared on the unit's third demo tape. In some ways, it shows. The album is full of good moments but the production is a bit shoddy.
Inna reggae style
New York-based roots reggae band Rising Lion plays Outback Jack's on Tuesday. The band fuses original songs with reggae from the likes of Bob Marley, Black Uhuru, Peter Tosh and Steel Pulse. Reggae at 9:30 p.m.
